I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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