I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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