no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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