Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
