Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
