jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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