hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
