Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
