my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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