you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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