dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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