Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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