Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's never too late to be topless.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
