After last night, I could never be a politician.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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