3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
