dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
