I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
