1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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