OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
