He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize