According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
