I just threw up on my dentist
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And then he peed in my hair
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