I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize