I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I need moral support for this bender
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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