I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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