She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
