he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
