oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
