he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
