Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
