i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
