your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
