everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
