we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
