Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
