haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
