nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
