my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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