Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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