I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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