I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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