i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize