Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
