Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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