We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love having hate sex.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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