Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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