Duck Duck Cougar?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
