I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
where are my eyebrows?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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