my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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