I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
