So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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