she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
