you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
