also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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