I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
