I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is my gift to your gina
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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