drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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