From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I enjoy the company of your penis
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
