I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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