so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry about my life...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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