Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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