Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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