an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
