I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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