a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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