he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
