You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
