remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize