bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
