He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
