dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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