I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
