You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
