i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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